I hate to admit it but this was the reality of the first few months with my sweet girl. Mommy trying to smile and not take it personally while my newborn screamed at me for about 6 hours a day until about a month ago. She had Colic. No mom ever wants to admit that there is something not perfect about their baby but she liked to scream. She would sit up with her daddy every night and scream for a solid two hours while she pulled his beard, and there would be nothing to do to console her. I mean he literally had a patch missing out of his beard from our newborn baby pulling the hair out. I would hide away in the other room trying not to cry myself wondering what was I doing wrong? Did she not like us? Was she in pain? Was there something else besides switching her formula, giving her gas drops, having plenty of floor time (even though she hated it) that I should be doing?
I called the pediatrician about once a week and asked what else should I do but they reassured me that she was growing and would eventually grow out of it. Before I had her, I wanted as many kids as god wanted to grant us with and since then I’ve began to rethink that. Does that make me a bad mom? I would ask my grandparents to take her during the week one day each and ask my mom to take her overnight about two nights a month so I could actually clean and sleep. She was still getting up every two hours and would only let up on the crying if I held and comforted her constantly. My house was a mess! The laundry piled up, dishes were never done and I surely did not have dinner on the table when my husband got home. I would be counting down the minutes until he would get home so I could have long enough to pee and take a shower alone. I would be dying for a break and as soon as she was with them I would cry because I didn’t want her to feel abandoned by me, but I knew I was doing what was best for me. And if I’m not taking care of myself how on earth am I supposed to take care of a tiny human?
Now she is four months old and she doesn’t scream so much. She may even sit in her bouncer in the kitchen with me long enough for me to unload the dishwasher and reload. I might even be able to get a load of laundry done while she naps, but none of that really matters. The only thing that matters is that my sweet girl is getting taken care of and getting all of the love that I can possibly give her.
When I got a stomach bug, I had to stop breastfeeding because lets face it.. I was dying. And ever since she will not take the boob. I can’t tell you how much I miss her breastfeeding and wish that I had enjoyed her screaming and only being comforted by breastfeeding while it lasted.